Another shitty day out!
And I've been waiting for it all week.
That's the way it's been for the past week. Parents or sister didn't feel like taking/going with me.
It was a pretty existentialist day out. Again I felt the awful strange feeling that's been plaguing me for years (from the time I was five, six years old); it has always been a mystery to me and I never found out what it was or it's cause. It simply went away as I grew older and more things came into my life. Hmm.
Well, yes it was a pretty shitty existentialist day full of atheistic depression. There was simply no place to go, no place I could go. We (my sister and I) saw crowds of tortured nameless faceless people filling the streets, milling about the shopping district. There was no memory of the past or thought of the future, the crowd was a uniform, ugly mass. The stores (my beloved bookstore in particular) were just the same as they had always been, everything too expensive to buy. It was an awful feeling, that purposelessness.
Then we tried to take a bus home. We rode and rode, expecting to see our stop, sometime, anytime. All we found at the end was the deserted bus-interchange. I read off a small, grubby sign: ALIGHTING ONLY. Then we looked around us and there was no one in the bus except for one badly-dressed old man. He was already getting off the bus; he looked as if he knew where he was going. The bus driver twisted his arm to motion to us that there was nothing more, no more. We had to get off.
In the end we took a taxi home.
At home (where I am now), my sister told our mother that we did not see our stop, we never did and we were left stranded in some god-forsaken part of town. Our mother tells us we took the wrong bus and that we read her map wrongly.
I feel horribly shitted.
That's the way it's been for the past week. Parents or sister didn't feel like taking/going with me.
It was a pretty existentialist day out. Again I felt the awful strange feeling that's been plaguing me for years (from the time I was five, six years old); it has always been a mystery to me and I never found out what it was or it's cause. It simply went away as I grew older and more things came into my life. Hmm.
Well, yes it was a pretty shitty existentialist day full of atheistic depression. There was simply no place to go, no place I could go. We (my sister and I) saw crowds of tortured nameless faceless people filling the streets, milling about the shopping district. There was no memory of the past or thought of the future, the crowd was a uniform, ugly mass. The stores (my beloved bookstore in particular) were just the same as they had always been, everything too expensive to buy. It was an awful feeling, that purposelessness.
Then we tried to take a bus home. We rode and rode, expecting to see our stop, sometime, anytime. All we found at the end was the deserted bus-interchange. I read off a small, grubby sign: ALIGHTING ONLY. Then we looked around us and there was no one in the bus except for one badly-dressed old man. He was already getting off the bus; he looked as if he knew where he was going. The bus driver twisted his arm to motion to us that there was nothing more, no more. We had to get off.
In the end we took a taxi home.
At home (where I am now), my sister told our mother that we did not see our stop, we never did and we were left stranded in some god-forsaken part of town. Our mother tells us we took the wrong bus and that we read her map wrongly.
I feel horribly shitted.
posted by fairypenguin at 3:07 AM
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