Feeling frickin' sad now

I went to Orchard Road, our brightest, sparkiest shopping district and the most significant thing that happened was getting ripped off by some "charity" tout. It's true.

I'm sixteen. My sister is sixteen and we're both as gullible as sheep.
I am so angry.
We were cheated out of TEN dollars of our parent's money.

I believe that I am angry at myself really.
We realised that he was a cheat right after we had handed over the money because he put it in his pocket.
We asked it back.
He shouted and got confrontational.
We did not want that.
We walked away.

Now I am far away at home.
Typing out my anger inch by inch.
I wonder at my ineffectiveness, is it a result of my comfortable life? my stupidity? my dyslexia? or is it my religion, what I have been tutored in all my life, give to the fortunate, "even if it's a cheat if you think it is a cheat that is How are you sure? Somebody needs that ten more than you do. Give."
That is what my mother used to say.
She still says it.
And if that guy is a cheat he'll go to Hell for his wrong-doing.
There is justice in the great scheme of things.
No you cannot beat him up swear at him as it makes you bad.

The disturbing thing is that he was thin. Weedy. He said he was fifteen.
I feel terribly terribly hurt the way you would feel hurt if you were a five-year old.
I will not tell my mother any of this as she will only give me that insincere lecture again.
We know we know it's not true.



Really, I think that people only came up with the concept of justice as a way of revenge. And that the meek will inherit the earth as there is nothing else for us.

Right now all I want is to become good. Good; without the hope of a reward in the end as I do not want to be there to recieve it.