My Junior College posting

Thought you'd like to know...

The results for the temporary (three months) Junior College postings before the O'Level results came out:

Anglo-Chinese JC for me.
Anderson JC for my sister.

Both are second tier Junior Colleges.

Another shitty day out!

And I've been waiting for it all week.

That's the way it's been for the past week. Parents or sister didn't feel like taking/going with me.

It was a pretty existentialist day out. Again I felt the awful strange feeling that's been plaguing me for years (from the time I was five, six years old); it has always been a mystery to me and I never found out what it was or it's cause. It simply went away as I grew older and more things came into my life. Hmm.

Well, yes it was a pretty shitty existentialist day full of atheistic depression. There was simply no place to go, no place I could go. We (my sister and I) saw crowds of tortured nameless faceless people filling the streets, milling about the shopping district. There was no memory of the past or thought of the future, the crowd was a uniform, ugly mass. The stores (my beloved bookstore in particular) were just the same as they had always been, everything too expensive to buy. It was an awful feeling, that purposelessness.

Then we tried to take a bus home. We rode and rode, expecting to see our stop, sometime, anytime. All we found at the end was the deserted bus-interchange. I read off a small, grubby sign: ALIGHTING ONLY. Then we looked around us and there was no one in the bus except for one badly-dressed old man. He was already getting off the bus; he looked as if he knew where he was going. The bus driver twisted his arm to motion to us that there was nothing more, no more. We had to get off.

In the end we took a taxi home.

At home (where I am now), my sister told our mother that we did not see our stop, we never did and we were left stranded in some god-forsaken part of town. Our mother tells us we took the wrong bus and that we read her map wrongly.

I feel horribly shitted.

I wonder if I should write some stories and put them up here

I already write stuff in my own free time, but it's too personal. I'd also like to put stuff up here to...hm...make it more meaningful perhaps? And to exercise my brain and let people know my ideas on writing? I'd be really pleased if someone saw this journal and found the contents interesting or even inspirational. I would like to read nice stories (original or fanfiction-al, both are good) on the internet, it's free human contact.

I have a special interest in history and art/ists, but I don't know very much about it while I'm a freak for historical accuracy (like the details, the nitty-gritty of daily life, how they spoke, the documents and rituals) . So I can't write historical/art fiction. At least not per se. I'm supposing that I shall write poetry or stories in verse; besides, I like experimenting with form and I feel that poetry is very intense and the verse-prose form is sorely under/wrongly-utilized.

So...I'll close my eyes and think awhile...

I would not write a piece just for the sake of throwing in, say, Philippe Hurepel* (bet you don't know who that is). I like to believe that there is a philosophy behind the study of history and that it's not just random bits of outdated gossip.

thinkaboutitthinkaboutitthinkaboutit

*The son of Philip Augustus/Philip II of France.

An example of what I'm thinking about (except just more substantial):

Farnese.
Who wore himself to nothing.

Night.
Walked to his room.
Hung up his coat.
The water rose in him.
Out of his eyes.

That's all for now, I'll get back to it later.