Our World Cup joke
My sister and I noticed that the papers were making this big fat deal over Cristiano Ronaldo and Rooney and some poor other guy's balls being stepped on.
After some careful thought-experiments and investigation (speculation), we came up with our own extra-intelligent theory. You see, it's actually not Ronaldo's fault, it was that stupid gay magazine poll that spoilt England's World Cup chances as well as a beee-u-ti-fool friendship between old Ronnie and Roo. And well, here's the story:
Back in England at the locker room of whichever club the both of them play at, all the other players are gathered round and chanting: Fight, fight...
Rooney: (grabbing Ronaldo by the shirt collar) You really f_ _ _ _ed up my World Cup. Now I'm going to clock you one!
Everybody else: Yeah stick 'um, stick 'um, the b_ _ _ er!
Ronaldo: (frantic and squealing) Ah, ah, no! No, you've gotten it wrong amigo! I'm innocent, please!
Roo: (raises eyebrow) Oh? How so?
Ron: It's all that gay mag's fault! I read this awful, awful poll in there that voted me the...the most yum football player in the World Cup. And then I got so scared that I was in a daze all the while...please, please... (whinging and whining)
Roo: (face softening) Umm, o--hey, what were you doing with that queer mag!
Ron: (pale and sweaty 'cos he knows he's in a spot now) I....I...I um
Roo: (lets go of Ron's collar at once and starts brushing his hands off on his jersey) I knew there was something unnatural about you! The hair, the boots...
Everybody: (grimaces and moves away) Eww!
Ron: (flapping his arms like a penguin trying to Take to the Sky) No, no you've got me wrong! Make friends, make friends, please, please... see (holding out a handmade card drawn with Peace, Man signs and Forever Friends stickers), I even made you a card...
The story ends with Ron running off to some other club 'cos he's afraid of getting murdered by his homophobic team-mates.
Years later:
Rooney to someone else: Now I know why he was so damn concerned about that other fella's delicate bits.
Note:
This is entirely fictional, none of it is true.
Take to the Sky is a Tori Amos song, now you go figure it out.
Lastly, I'm not at all anti-gay (even if I do sound as if it were so). I'm NON-gay. Safely neutral. In fact, it's the BRITS who are homo-haters. But no, I'm not a Brit-hater either.
W. C. Germany vs Italy results: Italy wins: 0-2
Sad. I liked Miroslav Klose and Philipp Lahm quite a bit.
After some careful thought-experiments and investigation (speculation), we came up with our own extra-intelligent theory. You see, it's actually not Ronaldo's fault, it was that stupid gay magazine poll that spoilt England's World Cup chances as well as a beee-u-ti-fool friendship between old Ronnie and Roo. And well, here's the story:
Back in England at the locker room of whichever club the both of them play at, all the other players are gathered round and chanting: Fight, fight...
Rooney: (grabbing Ronaldo by the shirt collar) You really f_ _ _ _ed up my World Cup. Now I'm going to clock you one!
Everybody else: Yeah stick 'um, stick 'um, the b_ _ _ er!
Ronaldo: (frantic and squealing) Ah, ah, no! No, you've gotten it wrong amigo! I'm innocent, please!
Roo: (raises eyebrow) Oh? How so?
Ron: It's all that gay mag's fault! I read this awful, awful poll in there that voted me the...the most yum football player in the World Cup. And then I got so scared that I was in a daze all the while...please, please... (whinging and whining)
Roo: (face softening) Umm, o--hey, what were you doing with that queer mag!
Ron: (pale and sweaty 'cos he knows he's in a spot now) I....I...I um
Roo: (lets go of Ron's collar at once and starts brushing his hands off on his jersey) I knew there was something unnatural about you! The hair, the boots...
Everybody: (grimaces and moves away) Eww!
Ron: (flapping his arms like a penguin trying to Take to the Sky) No, no you've got me wrong! Make friends, make friends, please, please... see (holding out a handmade card drawn with Peace, Man signs and Forever Friends stickers), I even made you a card...
The story ends with Ron running off to some other club 'cos he's afraid of getting murdered by his homophobic team-mates.
Years later:
Rooney to someone else: Now I know why he was so damn concerned about that other fella's delicate bits.
Note:
This is entirely fictional, none of it is true.
Take to the Sky is a Tori Amos song, now you go figure it out.
Lastly, I'm not at all anti-gay (even if I do sound as if it were so). I'm NON-gay. Safely neutral. In fact, it's the BRITS who are homo-haters. But no, I'm not a Brit-hater either.
W. C. Germany vs Italy results: Italy wins: 0-2
Sad. I liked Miroslav Klose and Philipp Lahm quite a bit.
posted by fairypenguin at 3:32 AM
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
<< Home